Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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