Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
