I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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