Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
