I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The air was thick with penises
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
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