Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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