First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
