i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
