I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
