Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my being single is dangerous.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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