my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
