i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
