nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
