So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
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