I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize