I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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