Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
