I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
