fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
