That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
