Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
