I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
