Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
