I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
