Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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