Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
