I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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