I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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