And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
