i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
