I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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