Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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