my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
