Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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