Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
