Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I party with great urgency now.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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