I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
