its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
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She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
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I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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