Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
