I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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