When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
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when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
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Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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