I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
