He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My balls are so social today.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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