Your face is a jimmy john
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
