While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
