what day is it and did you see me today?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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