someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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