from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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