oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
