he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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