just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
