get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.