Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
