I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
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I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
how do you play pong handcuffed?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
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I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.