i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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