If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
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Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
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Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.