Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
