Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I smell stomach acid.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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