I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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