dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
