Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
