We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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