the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
