it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
