dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
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