Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
