OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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