dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
