just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Randomize
