Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
