I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
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