I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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