The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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