i barfeds in our rink
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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