she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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