tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
