I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
