yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
