instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
